I don't like being perceived and having so much attention and expectation being put on me makes me ask for more and more and more from myself, something I really cannot deal with at the time as I'm already stressing over my lack of understanding towards things I feel like I should have understanding towards which already makes me feel stupid

So now I overthink about how I act, how I talk, even how I want people to treat me, all while still being completely honest and not feeling safe enough to be myself without a chance of messing up terribly or creating another proof of how naive and stupid I really am, and since I believe I'm just a stupid kid that needs people to hold their hand for everything, I can't even be mad at when I'm treated with extra patience, but I just can't let myself accept it, it just feels too close to pity, letting people treat me like that just basically feels like I'm saying "don't expect me to change, and don't expect any better from me" and actually, even the fact I am sad over this makes me feel childish and stupid and that I can't even handle a situation like this without making it a huge problem for myself.

basically I'm in this loop of: stressing over keeping a mask on at all times (while also still being honest about myself somehow), reaching a boiling point or accidentally letting out a slightly crooked or dumb action while trying to be honest, letting the "mask" fall off, feel like a complete idiot, repeat

All this while I worry about not being so much of a nuisance to people, but also while still being true about what I want because it's the most responsible thing to do, which is a task easy to get lost in

It's probably too late to take more action, i still will try though.