14.04.24

So... I set myself a goal that I'd finish working on at least a few pages of this website before 2023 ends, so I could make my first blog post about how my life was during the year, since it was already the last days of it. But the problem is that I'm very bad with deadlines! And at talking extensively about anything -_-!!! So obviously that deadline thing didn't work out. Anyways, well, I'm not really sure where to start... But if I were to try to say everything that happened in just a few words, i'd say that my year was like a roller coaster ride ^_^" The amount of times where I felt like I had lost everything and the times I felt like everything couldn't be better is countless. And honesly? that's okay. I feel like I improved as a person, and finally got the push I needed to work on getting better again. Things dont feel like they're going downhill anymore, even if I still have times where I feel down.

In july, my grandmother took me with her on a bus trip to spend my summer vacation (and my birthday!) at my cousin's house which was in a different state, and that was really nice, calming and it helped me a lot. I felt very welcomed by everyone, and I loved the colder weather and spending time with nice family members...and their cats too, haha... There even was this time where I was just on my laptop doing whatever (probably drawing or something), and one of her cats, Bonnie, just came in the room and laid down on my lap. It felt so heartwarming and cute, it was definitely one of the moments of that trip I don't wanna forget; I even took a picture of it!

But well, It's 2024 now, school has started again, and i'm now in high school. My life feels unrecognizable compared to the last few years I've lived; I have some close friends I can see irl now, I finally feel the energy/motivation and help I needed to get back to putting effort in school again, and I don't feel so unhealthy anymore. That all may sound amazing, and dont get me wrong, it feels like a wish come true! But also all these routine changes happening so fast and suddenly have been feeling really reallyyyyy scary for me, I'm terrified of the unpredictable and bad things that could happen if I make the slightest wrong move. Thoughts like, "what if seeing someone so often will make us bored of eachother and eventually drift apart? Or what if not seeing them so often will cause the same? I don't want to lose a friend, you know!" haunt me quite a bit.
Other than that, I've been doing alright. I've been putting a lot more of my feelings onto my art, feeling more free to do whatever I want without being so unreasonably ashamed of it, and feeling satisfied with the habit changes i've been making in my day to day life. The future seems scary, but I try my best to override the paranoia with happy daydreaming about the good things I could achieve in such a distant time. Oh, and I also have blue hair now and maintaining it is really annoying, LOL.

That's all I have to say for now. Thanks for reading, keep on dreaming!